Go slow

I have just made a very important discovery. In essence, it is merely “go slow”, but as with all simple lessons in life, it was a hard, bitter pill to swallow. Since 2021, I have been suffering from various health problems as a result of autistic burnout. These symptoms are unusual and debilitating enough to … Continue reading Go slow →

Reading the waves of burnout; or, What does it mean to be supported by those who might not understand my unmasked self?

I saw this tweet today: Common life strategy for autistic people: achieve/overachieve until burning out and maybe the overachievement will result in enough social and economic capital to see you through the burnout. High cost, high failure rate, inaccessible to many.— theories of minds (@theoriesofminds) March 4, 2018 And it struck a nerve. Because unlike … Continue reading Reading the waves of burnout; or, What does it mean to be supported by those who might not understand my unmasked self? →

The fear of getting better

Since I lost speech almost a month ago, I've had to put my podcast on hiatus and seriously reconsider my plans to do teacher training next year. This has put me in an employment limbo. All my main skills (podcasting, teaching, linguistics) are very much language-based, which makes it difficult to find a job when … Continue reading The fear of getting better →

Love, detransition, moving, collapse

A summary of my 2021, detailing the intense autistic burnout I have fallen into.

I am draining away

When I was a teenager, I didn't feel like I had an identity at all. I was a bundle of trauma, loneliness, undiagnosed autism and unrealised transness. I barely communicated in the "real world", spending all my time with online communities and friends that spanned a gamut of abusiveness. I "came out of my shell" when I started doing youth theatre. I became more social, began to have an identity in the commonly accepted sense.

I have neglected my autism for too long – it’s time to change that

This time, I think I've really cracked the code.

The translation is always better than the original

People are weird about translations. "I only watch subs, but for Cowboy Bebop, the dub is better." "You really have to read it in the original language to fully appreciate it." "It's so funny seeing dubs; the words don't match their lips!" Me? I'm completely normal.

Reset day

Today I'm having a reset day. As I talked about yesterday, today has been a rough week. I thought a good night's sleep would be enough to recover, but given my state of exhaustion last night, that was naïve.

We are cracking

I had a breakdown this morning. I was planning on marking some work, before going in to teach two new 2-hour classes, followed by another 3-hour class. I'd been bubbling with anxiety over the fact that it was new students for over a week, and it all overflowed in a fairly pathetic crying fit.

Compound fatigue / laceco korpuna

Bilingual poem about fatigue / laceco.