When I was a teenager, I didn't feel like I had an identity at all. I was a bundle of trauma, loneliness, undiagnosed autism and unrealised transness. I barely communicated in the "real world", spending all my time with online communities and friends that spanned a gamut of abusiveness. I "came out of my shell" when I started doing youth theatre. I became more social, began to have an identity in the commonly accepted sense.
This time, I think I've really cracked the code.
People are weird about translations. "I only watch subs, but for Cowboy Bebop, the dub is better." "You really have to read it in the original language to fully appreciate it." "It's so funny seeing dubs; the words don't match their lips!" Me? I'm completely normal.
Today I'm having a reset day. As I talked about yesterday, today has been a rough week. I thought a good night's sleep would be enough to recover, but given my state of exhaustion last night, that was naïve.
I had a breakdown this morning. I was planning on marking some work, before going in to teach two new 2-hour classes, followed by another 3-hour class. I'd been bubbling with anxiety over the fact that it was new students for over a week, and it all overflowed in a fairly pathetic crying fit.
Bilingual poem about fatigue / laceco.
I'm 26 today. Birthdays have always been intensely loserish for me. There used to be a video of teenage me eating a whole slice of pizza in one mouthful at my friend's birthday party in Pizza Hut. I wanted to start the blog post off with this, but unfortunately it appears to have been deleted off YouTube. So I'll regale you with some past memories instead.